Broken Hearts Have Left Me Dying
by LunaNyx14
Summary: Title subject to change. Three years after LS. Olivya "Liv" Monroe is a broken hearted Guardian who hates Adrian Ivashkov upon first meeting. What will it take for Liv to see him as him, and not the face she thinks he wears? AdrianxOC, EddiexMia, DimitrixRose, ChristianxLissa, it really is better than it sounds D:
1. Chapter 1

"No, not like that. You do it like that and you're more likely to get yourself klled. Angle it this way. No, you almost got it. You're off balance. Take a step back. Spread your legs a bit - no! Too far. More like this. Yeah. Now angle your feet towards me. See? Easier to hold your balance. Put your weight into your back leg, push off with it and thrust. There you go. Again. You're getting good at this, Mia."

She was, too. She was in no way ready to take on a Strigoi yet, or even a Guardian, but she could probably hold her own in a fight with a sophomore Novice now.

Oh, I guess you'll want to know who I am, huh? My name is Olivya Monroe, though most call me Liv. I'm a Guardian here at the Royal Court, have been for the past two months. It's not something I'm entirely pleased with, but it's better than nothing.

As it was, I was kind of without assignment right now. I had been looking for something to do in my off time, as Court Guardians didn't have much to do, and that's how I met Mia Rinaldi.

Mia and I had hit it off right away. Something in our natures called out to eachother. Kindred spirits, you could say. Over the two months I had known her, I became proud to say that I considered her one of my closest friends. I had turned into her unnofficial Guardian, although, if we wanted to, we could change that. The Queen could rarely refuse Mia's wishes. In fact, there was only one thing holding us back. Me. I wasn't ready for another charge. Not yet.

It wasn't long after my unnofficial Guardianship started that she expressed interest in learning how to fight, how to defend herself. I agreed, and I realized quickly that she wasn't that weak, for a Moroi, and already knew the basics. I was only insulting her by going easy. So, I began training her as if she were just another dhampir, keeping in mind her disadvantages of couse. Still, now that I think about it, I probably started her with stakings too early. Still, in the past two months, she had come a long way.

"Liv?" Mia called out, jolting me out of my thoughts. I grimaced, mentally scolding myself. I had let myself become distracted and doing so had compromised Mia's safety. Sure, we were in Court and the wards were strong, but wards could be broken and, beside, it was the principal of it. She held a letter in her hand and shut the door behind her. I hadn't even noticed that someone had been there.

"I'm sorry Mia. It was a lapse in concentration. Won't happen again."

"Wha-? Oh, nevermind. Here." She handed me the note.

_'Mia, _

_We haven't hung out in forever, I'm sorry! Things have been busy up here at the palace, especially since the attack. I know, I know, no excuse lol. Anyways, Rose and I have been dying to catch up with you again. Would you come over tonight? We're having dinner at 3. Oh, and if you want, bring your Guardian friend. What was her name, Guardian Monroe? Yeah, I think so. We would love to meet her._

_Love, Lissa'_

I didn't recognize the author of the note at first, but it began to settle in quickly. We were being summoned to the Palace by Her Majesty, Queen Vasilisa Dragomir. I couldn't believe it! Then, something made me look at it again. It was so... informal. Chummy. Wha?

"You know the Queen?" I asked, feeling kind of dumb.

"Uhh... yeah. Are you coming?" She asked, grinning.

"Uhh... yeah." I replied in the same tone, "this was a request by the _Queen_. I can hardly ignore it."

Mia just gave me an amused look and threw a pillow at me, "go make yourself beautiful, Liv," she laughed.

I snorted, "too late. Already am. I'll meet you here at 2," I grinned, sticking my tongue out. She could only laugh as I swayed my hips, walking out the door towards my own apartment.

It wasn't a long walk at all, maybe five minutes if I was slow, which I rearely was. The moment I got in the door, I kicked off my shoes and headed for a shower. It wouldn't really take long to get ready normally, but I wanted to look my best. It wasn't everyday you were summoned to see the Queen. At least, not for me.

The longest part of my shower was washing my hair. Honestly, I loved it. I could never cut my hair, and so I was an oddity. You almost never saw any female Guardian with hair past their shoulders. There might have been two or three in the Court, and that was including me. Unfortunately, to keep my hair long and beautiful, it took a lot of care. My hair was very thick, fine, and wavy, and when done right, I could make it feel like silk. It was raven black that went down to my hips when I straightened it, and down to my mid back when I didn't.

So it was only natural that I left it till last. To do anything with it, it took more than an hour. The moment I was out of the shower, I wrapped a towel around myself and spent 45 minutes blow drying my hair, then spent 20 minutes ironing my Guardian uniform and polishing my dress shoes. Once my uniform was deemed fit for the Queen, I set out on the tedious and ardous task of straightening my long ass hair. That left me with an hour and a half till dinner, and half an hour till I had to meet Mia.

So I started out on make up. Normally I wouldn't really bother with anything more than moisturizing, but again, this was hardly normal. So I slathered on my moisturizer and then put on foundation. I lined my eyes in black so that they would seem less big and round and more cat-like, less innocent, then applied dark eyeshadows to give my eyes the smokey look. I put on a couple coats of mascara and a swipe of a light, sparkly lipgloss, before I was ready to go.

I had to admit, I was looking fine tonight. Damn fine. I hardly looked like someone who could destroy the undead, especially as many as I had. Except in my eyes. My eyes were a rich, deep emerald green that seemed to almost glow with the dark eyeshadow, but in them... there was a sadness. An immense sadness and grief from someone who had lost everything that was important to her. I could feel my eyes start burning and with a shaky breath, I turned away from my reflection.

I had five minutes to get to Mia's - well, seven - so I took my time, enjoying my walk. It was a nice day. There wasn't a cloud in sight, and so I had a clear view of the stars. And god, were they beautiful. A bright light caught my eyes. It was a full moon tonight. I got to Mia's with two minutes to spare, and couldn't help but smile at the sight of her.

"Wow, Mia, you look great." I grinned, looking her up and down. She had on a rich marine blue dress that perfectly complimented her flaxen blonde hair, faintly tanned skin and blue eyes. It was a knee length silk wrap dress with long sleeves and a flowy skirt. She had on black heels on that had ribbons climbing up her calves and a silver heart necklace. Her hair was curled into perfect doll-like ringlets and pulled back with a marine blue ribbon tied into a bow to match her dress. She was wearing makeup, something she didn't do often, and it made her clear blue eyes pop. She looked gorgeous.

"Thanks, Liv. I gotta say, you pull off that Guardian outfit well. Gonna break a heck load of hearts, that's for sure." She grinned, linking arms with me as we walked out the door.


	2. Chapter 2

It didn't take too long, a little less than an hour and we had definately turned a few heads. We were young, Mia being 20 and I being 23, but we could definately hold our own in this court, as far as I was concerned.

The Guardian who greeted us was one I had seen around a bit, but not one I really talked to. Still, Mia seemed to know him, since she ran to give him a hug the moment she saw him. "Eddie!"

"Mia! How have you been?" He smiled, hugging her back. I saw his eyes sweep over her once or twice and a strange look glint in his eyes before disappearing.

"I've been great! Oh, Eddie, this is Liv. Liv, Eddie."

I nodded at him, "Guardian Castile." What had been that look?

"Guardian Monroe. What business do you have here?"

"The Queen has requested us join her for dinner."

Mia rolled her eyes in amusement, giving Guardian Castile a light shove. "Eddie, stop it. She's a friend, not a Strigoi. Come on."

I chuckled, giving Guardian Castile a knowing look as he let us in, closing the door behind him.

There were eight people in the room already, eleven if you counted Guardian Castile, Mia and I. Five of them were Guardians, and two of them stood out as the infamous Rosemarie Hathaway and Dimitri Belikov. There was, of course, Queen Vasilisa, Princess Jillian, Lord Ozera and... Aleksandr?

The appearance of him made me freeze in terror and anger mid bow, glaring at him fiercely as I continued bowing.

"Uh.. Welcome Mia, Guardian Monroe. You may rise." Queen Vasilisa said. It had been three years since she had been elected queen, but she still found it unnerving to have people bow to her, so it would seem.

As we approached, my glare turned to a look of confusion. This was not Aleksandr. They were around the same height, but while Alek had light brown hair, this man's was dark, and while Alek had eyes as blue and as bottomless as the ocean, his were a green whose brilliance rivaled my own. Who was this man?

"In case you don't know them, our dinner guests will be Guardian Belikov, Guardian Hathaway, Guardian Castile, Princess Jillian, Lord Ozera and Lord Ivashkov, who will here in by known as Dimitri, Rose, Eddie, Jill, Christian and Adrian."

Ivashkov. Not Drosdov. Never Drosdov. Yet, as I recognized the name and reputation to the face that came with it, nearly as bad.

"Yes, you're majesty."

"Oh, and _please_ call me Lissa."

That one was a little harder. "I will do my best to remember it Quee- uh... Lissa." I stammered slightly. Guardian Hathaway - Rose - laughed, walking up to me.

"Guardian Monroe, eh? I hear you're good." She smirked, hands on her hips.

"I hear you're better," I responded, a similar smirk on my face, "or are you not the Infamous Rose Hathaway?"

"Oh, she's all that, and more." Remarked Christian with a snort. I could only chuckle.

"Well, if we're gonna be on first name basis, then mine' s Olivya, although I'd prefer if you just called me Liv." I chanced a glance at the Ivashkov boy, my smile turning to a frown, before I looked back to the group.

"So, how long have you known Mia?" I asked, genuinely curious, "Mia's never told me."

Que- Lissa laughed, running a hand through her platinum hair, "well, it's a bit of a long story."

Mia grimaced, "not one I favour, either."

Qu- Lissa took a deep breath before starting her story, "Mia had dated my brother Andre during her freshman year at St. Vladmir's, until he screwed her over. When Rose and I were brought back to 's, she did and said anything to ruin our lives as a result. Well, until after the Drosdov attack," I remembered that. Lady Vera had been very upset. She hadn't lost any of her immediate family, but it hadn't mattered to her. 'Family is family', she had told me. "Mia's mother had died in that attack, and not long after that, Mia, Eddie and another friend of ours, a Novice named Mason, went out on a bit of a revenge mission to kill the Strigoi in Spokane. Rose realized what they'd done, so she took Christian with her to get them back, but were kidnapped," I noticed Eddie and Rose close their eyes tightly. Mia, who had been standing closer to Eddie, put a hand on Eddie's shoulder and Guardian Belikov - Dimitri - wrapped his arms around Rose.

Q-Lissa saw their distress, and sped up the story, skipping most of it (so I assumed), "anyway, after that, Mia went to live with her dad and joined the side of Moroi fighting with magic. So, yeah. That's about it." There was definately more, from what I could tell of their reactions. Lissa had said "Novice Mason", which meant he never graduated. He had probably died in that attack. And, from what I could tell, Eddie, Rose and him had been close friends.

"So... why don't we go eat?" Princess Jillian said, changing the subject awkwardly. I jumped; I had forgotten she was there. Bad. Bad Guardian.

We walked down to the dining hall, and the room was beautiful. Or at least, I think it was. I couldn't tell. I was starving, and there was so much food on the table. There were three beef roasts, with a giant bowl of mashed potatos, three dozen Yorkshire puddings, two bowls green beans and tons of gravy. When I could drag my eyes away from the food, I couldn't help but notice our seating arrangement. Lissa was, of course, at the head of the table and at her right was Rose. Beside Rose was Dimitri, and I think they were holding hands under the table. That seemed strange to me - they were both Dhampirs, and... well, that wasn't a common sight. Still, they seemed happy enough. Beside them was Jillian, who seemed quite uncomfortable, and beside her was Ivashkov.

On the left side was Christian, who was sneaking glances in her direction. He was clearly smitten with her, and Lissa was definately smitten with him as well, judging by her glances back. Beside Christian was Eddie, and beside him Mia. I couldn't help but notice that every now and then, Eddie would glance over at Mia, which amused me to no end, as I was sitting beside Mia. Of course, by sitting beside Mia, this also meant I was across from the royal douchebag. Great.

Speak of the devil... "So, how long have you been at Court, Liv? I'm sure I would have noticed your gorgeous face around here before."

I scowled at him, voice cold, "two months."

"Do you have an assignment?"

"No." And I didn't want one right now. Not yet.

After that, the room faded into an uncomfortable silence. A silence brought on by, you guessed it, me. Thankfully, Mia had the cure.

"So Christian, Jill, what have you guys been up to lately?" She asked, smiling.

"Dimitri and Rose have been trying to kill me." Christian complained, shooting an accusationary glare towards the Guardians in question.

Rose laughed, and I swear I saw Dimitri fight a smile. "Try?" She scoffed, "sweetie, if I wanted to kill you, there'd be no 'try' involved. You'd be dead. Besides, it's not _my_ fault you can't dodge."

I frowned, curiousity piqued, "dodge?"

"We've been training Christian to fight, and Rose isn't pulling any punches, literally or figureatively. She's training him like he's a dhampir."

Mia laughed, "get used to it Sparky, I've got Liv doing the same to me, and I don't have a spirit healer to help me out. I'm already learning to stake."

I smirked, "Mia, I'm probably letting you stake too early. Don't get cocky."

Eddie, who had been silent during all of this, now turned to me with fury written all over his face. "you're letting a _Moroi_ touch a stake?! You know how it could hurt her!"

I rolled my eyes, "Relax, Castile, I'm being careful. No Strigoi. Besides, it could come in handy."

"We're Guardians. We're the only ones who should deal with stakes. What if she were to cut herself?!"

Jill piped up, eager to change the subject, "Mia, have you learned any new tricks with water recently?"

Mia gave her a grateful look, glancing between Eddie and I, then back to her, "yes, actually. Remember how I learned how to turn water to air and air to water?" Jill nodded, "well, I've sort of taught myself to freeze water into icesicles in mid air, create a water whip that can hurl them at things, and also freeze people in ice."

"Wow! That's so cool! Will you show me?" She exclaimed excitedly.

"Of course!" Mia grinned.

Lissa gave me a smile, "have you any experience with offensive magic?"

I laughed a little, "a bit. I used to have a friend, Vera, who could create storms, even little tiny ones, and shoot lightning at people, among other things." I smiled at the memories, faltering only a little.

Lissa frowned slightly, "Vera? Vera Drosdov?"

I flinched, "...yeah..."

Rose was also frowning, "you said you used to have her as a friend. What happened?"

I glared a little, feeling my heart ache, "She died. A casualty of the Strigoi attack from a few months ago. One of many."

I couldn't bear to be there anymore. I had to leave. Going the formal route again, I stood and inclined my head in a small bow, "I apologize, Queen Vasilisa, but I must withdraw for the evening." I walked out, feeling their stares on my back.

Two minutes later, I heard someone following me. Someone who reeked of cloves and whisky. Ugh.

I spun around angrily, coming face to face with Adrian. "What the honey do you want?" I snapped.

He raised an eyebrow, presumably at my choice of 'swear' words and smirked, "calm yourself, Kitten, I just want to talk to you."

I snarled. Kitten?! "Yeah, well, I don't want to talk to you."

He clutched his heart in mock hurt, "I'm hurt, Liv. Why would _anyone_ not want to talk to me?" He said, signature smirk creeping back up.

I could think of a number of reasons, but I could also feel myself drawn to him. Just like Alek. I had to leave. Now, or I wouldn't be able to later. "I don't need a reason, good_bye_." I snapped.

Just like I suspected, it was difficult for me to leave him, but I managed it. When I was out of his line of sight, I ran. Ran all the way back to my apartment, like a coward. I knew I was putting people on alert, since it wasn't common to see a Guardian run like this except in emergencies, but I couldn't have cared less. I needed to get home.

I collapsed on my bed the moment I was in the room. All I could see was green. Green, green eyes fading to blue, and as I cried myself to sleep, I dreamed of drowning in a watery abyss.

**So, I forgot an Author's Note for the last chapter. I have big plans for this story, and I SHOULD be updating once a week (barring this one), but I'm going to take longer if I don't get many reviews. I may also be pursuaded to update faster if I get more reviews, so if you like this, you should review it more, as I read each one. So... yeah. **

**Luna**


	3. Chapter 3

**For my dedicated reviewer:**

**Thank you so much for taking time to review this. I read every review I receive, on any story, and actually pay more attention to reviews than any followers I get or whatever. If you have any requests I will try to fit them in here, and to clear up your confusion, I'll explain each of the non-canon characters at the end of this A/N**

**For all my other readers (Do I have any?):**

**Please start reviewing D: I love hearing your input, and I love getting reviews. Without reviews, how am I supposed to know you enjoy this story? Without reviews, it's just gathering dust. I'm working hard on this, and I have an epic storyline plotted out, but if I'm going to do my part, you guys gotta do your part too. **

**Non-Canon Characters Thus Far:**

**Olivya "Liv" Rhiannon Monroe**

**Described as having long black wavy hair and startling green eyes. Liv is the main character in this story and is twenty three with five Strigoi kills. I'm pretty sure you guys know who she is, sorta. If you want a mental image, Evangeline Lilly passes as a pretty good Liv.**

**Arianwen "Aria" Nia Argall**

**Next to nothing is known about this character. She is first met in this chapter. Aria is Liv's adopted sister from Wales. You'll learn more about her later on.**

**Innusha "Innya" Marie Monroe**

**Nothing is really known about her, but it is known that she is the daughter of Liv Monroe and Aleksandr Drosdov. She's three years old and was killed in a Strigoi attack two months ago. **

**Aleksandr "Alek" Mikhail Drosdov**

**Described as being around Adrian's height, pale, has light brown shaggy hair and deep blue eyes that appear "as blue and as bottomless as the ocean". A partier with a similar personality to Adrian, and a powerful Spirit user. Younger brother of Vera Drosdov and Liv's ex boyfriend. The two did not break up on good terms, which is why she hates Adrian, who reminds her of him. Russian heritage.**

**Vera Nadiya Drosdov:**

**A royal Moroi and Liv's ex-charge. Older sister of Aleksandr Drosdov, twenty-eight when killed. Died in Strigoi attack two months ago, under Liv's watch. Liv blames herself. Russian heritage, raised in Seattle, Powerful air user.**

**Nikolai "Nik" Viktor Conta**

**Russian born and raised, Arianwen's crush and charge. Friends with Adrian. Living in Russia. Royal Moroi.**

**Oh, and I just realized I didn't post a Disclaimer so…**

**I Do Not Own Vampire Academy. I Only Own The Plot, Liv, Aria, Innya, Vera, Alek, and Nik. Oh, And Any Other Future Characters I May Throw In.**

**Now, enough of that, on with the story!**

I awoke to a pounding head that rivaled the pounding on the door. How long had that been going on? I sat up, running a hand through my knotted, disheveled hair. I hadn't even bothered taking off my shoes last night.

The pounding wouldn't stop. "Alright, alright already! Stop the fudging pounding!" I snapped, walking over to the door. I knew my neighbours would be pissed later. Opening the door, I was a little surprised to see an irate Mia holding a black cat stuffy with a green ribbon holding a rolled up letter around it's neck. To clarify, I was confused by the cat, not the irate Mia. That was nothing really new.

"What the hell was up with last night, Liv?" She snapped at me, slamming the cat down on my side table.

"Hey! Be nice to the kitty!" I said, rushing over to cradle it in my arms. Even though cats hated dhampirs like myself, I couldn't help but adore them, something that had earned me a fair share amount of scratches and bites in my day.

"Forget the cat, Liv! Why the hell were you so rude to Adrian last night, and then ran off?"

I frowned, remembering that Ivashkov brat. "I'm sorry, but I'd rather not talk about it. Let's just say past experiences and leave it at that. Now where did this cat come from?"

Mia paused momentarily, looking over at it, "I'm not sure. It was on your doorstep this morning when I went to knock. It looks like their's a note, though."

I nodded, carefully undoing the ribbon and opening the rolled up note. The moment I saw the nickname, I scowled.

_'Kitten,__  
__No need to play hard to get, you've already got me. Still, if you must, you should know that I like a good challenge. Game on.__  
__Adrian'_

Ugh. Adrian. In my frustration, I tossed the cat at the wall, then promptly ran to it and scooped it in my arms, cuddling it. "What the hell did I do to earn his affection?" I grumbled, petting the uber soft stuffed cat.

Mia shrugged, "are we up for training today?"

"Maybe later. I have a bit of a headache right now." I said, still stroking the cat. His fur was so soft, and fluffy, and... I loved it. I hated that it was a gift from Lord Douchebag, but... how could I hate it? It was soft, and fluffy, and black, and loveable.

"Your name is Koko." I nodded, stroking the cat. An image popped into my head and I got uncontrollable giggles, "Koko Fuzzletons III, of Whiskermoor Manor." I grinned, "now... should you be Lord Koko Fuzzletons III, or Sir Koko Fuzzletons III. Hmm..." I deliberated, feeling the words roll off my tongue, "Sir Koko Fuzzletons the third, of Whiskermoor Manor... you need a top hat. And a cane. Maybe a cape. AND A FANCY MUSTACHE." I grinned. Mia just shook her head and walked out the door.

So, with that taken care of, I put Sir Koko onto my bed. Tomorrow morning, human time, I would go out and see if I could find the appropriate accessories for Sir Koko, but right now I had to go out. I was about to walk out of the room, but an uncontrollable urge came over me and I rushed back to it, scooping him up and tucking him under my arm. There. That felt better.  
I walked outside, garnering many stares. I didn't blame them. I mean, how often did you see a tough, badass Guardian carrying around a black cat stuffy? I would've stared too. I was headed down to the cafe when I spotted a certain raven haired boy, walking with a slight limp.

"Hey Fire crotch!" I shouted, causing him to jump and wince in my direction. I quickly jogged to catch up to him, then noticed the amount of pain in his eyes. "What's up?"

Christian glared at me. "I just finished training with Rose and twisted my ankle. It's not that big of a deal."

I frowned, "why didn't you have your spirit wielders heal it?"

He sighed, "Well, I figure if Mia can do it without Spirit, I can do it too. It hurts. A lot."

I snorted, "Well, of course it hurts! But don't be stupid. The faster you have it healed, the more you can train. Mia only does it without Spirit cause she has to. If given the option, she'd definitely use Spirit." I smiled, patting his shoulder, "and don't worry, Ozeras always make the best fighters."

He smiled a little at that, "why do you say that?"

I smirked, "why do you think I'm such a badass? I'm an Ozera, through my father. I just didn't get the eyes." I shrugged. Honestly, I loved my dad. Our family was a little odd. My dad had helped raise us, and was actually married to my mother.

"You know your father?" He asked. I nodded, but didn't go into detail.

"Come on, let's go get you healed up." I said, leaning down to offer him my shoulder. He shook his head, which confused me.

"If I'm going to get healed up, at least let me deal with the pain a little longer. It could do me some good to build up my pain tolerance." Well, I couldn't argue that.

"Alright." I agreed with a nod. I stroked my cat stuffy as we began our very slow walk to the Healers.

"What's that?" Christian asked with a snicker.

"His name is Sir Koko Fuzzletons III of Whiskermoor Manor. Or at least, it will be when I get him a few things. Right now he's just Koko."

Christian burst out laughing, "Sir Koko Fuzzletons III?"

I grumbled, "Hey! Don't laugh! He's sensitive…" I said, stroking Koko's ears. He just gave me a look and continued walking, snickering to himself.

It took us _forever_, but we finally managed to get to the Healers'. Now, let me explain. About a year after Queen Vasilisa's rise, more and more Spirit wielders from across the globe started coming to Court. This gave Lissa the idea to put a separate room inside the hospital or whatever. There would always be a healing Spirit user on duty, and they had a certain rotation so no one would get too overworked. In emergencies they would have two or three. Spirit users were there for the worse injuries. You know, dismemberment, disembowelment, severe bleeding or burns, broken, fractured, or sprained bones… and it was usually just for active Guardians, cause we were kinda their only hope in a Strigoi attack. Best to keep us alive and all that jazz. But they didn't bring people back from the dead, unless it was at their own discretion. Usually reserved for a family member or very close friend and whatnot. Otherwise, if you were dead, you were dead. It had been a tough decision for the Queen, one I'm sure she struggled with constantly. Who was she to say who lived or who died? Still, she had done it, mostly to pick up the slack of the hospital.

However, during our peaceful times, when people weren't getting hurt and killed too often, sometimes a Spirit user would heal fairly small but dehabilitating injuries, like a twisted ankle. It was still up to their discretion. You couldn't go to them for every cut and scratch, and they had every right to refuse, since it kinda screwed up their minds in the long run, but it sure helped.

There was something else that had been noticed among Spirit users. Of note, there was St. Vladmir, Avery Lazar, Vasilisa Dragomir, Adrian Ivashkov, Aleksandr Drosdov, Arianwen Sant, and of course, others. Something catch your eye? Lazar, Dragomir, Ivashkov, Drosdov… a majority of all Spirit users were Royal. Those who weren't had traces of Royal blood in their family line. Furthermore, Spirit showed up more commonly in females, although it isn't obvious by the list I just gave you. 60 or 70% of all Spirit users were female. This was a phenomenon that was being studied, although I know my sister had a story that could explain it. Probably an inaccurate one, but a story nonetheless.

So, anyways, since it was as slow as it could be, since our last attack was two months ago, there was only one person ahead of us before Christian could see the Healer.

The Healer, who happened to be none other than Adrian Ivashkov himself.

"Oh, bunnies." I muttered under my breath with a growl, running my free hand through my hair irritably.

"Well, good _morning_, my purring Kitten. How are you today?" The Royal douche grinned.

I rolled my eyes, "Shut up and fix his ankle so I can leave." I pointed. Unfortunately, fate had decided I would be a clumsy bull and I dropped the cat.

Well, of course Adrian smirked, picking it up. "What's this? The gift I gave you? Aww, you loved it so much you're carrying it around everywhere! How cute, Kitten," he grinned.

"Shut _up_ and give me Sir Koko. Gimme!" I could feel my cheeks go as red as a Strigoi's sun-burned tooshie as he continued to hold it out of my reach.

"Sir Koko? You even named him?" He smirked in amusement, finally giving it back. I so wanted to wipe that smirk off his face. He made a point of brushing his fingers against mine, sending an electric shock through me. That Royal tooshie.

"Yeah, yeah. Okay. Enough of your sexual tension, already. Lock yourself in a closet AFTER my ankle is healed." Christian snapped. I looked to him, grateful for taking the attention off me.

"Oh, we will." Adrian murmured, sending me a wayward glance while healing his ankle. I shuddered and clutched Koko closer to my chest, which only seemed to amuse him more.

"Slink off, okay? I like cats, it's a weakness. Get over it."

Adrian laughed, "I know. Nikolai told me."

I frowned, "Nikolai Conta? But how does he- ARIA!" I seethed, furious at my sister. I stormed out of the Lion's den and pulled out my cell, dialing the number I knew by heart.

"Hello?" A familiar voice asked, speaking Russian.

"Arianwen!" I growled.

"Chwaer hŷn! Shwmae!" She squealed, switching to Welsh.

"I didn't call to say hello, Chwaer fach." I growled, also speaking Welsh.

"Oh shit, what did I do?"

"Guess."

She gasped, "Oh no! You saw the book! I'm so sorry, Chwaer hŷn, I didn't mean to! I was eating kiwis an—"

I blinked, confused, "Wait, what?"

She paused, and I could practically _hear _her frown, "you're not calling about the book?"

"No, what book? What did you do?!"

"Nothing!" She said hurriedly, "so what's wrong?"

"Did you tell Arglwydd Conta about my fondness for cats?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Did you know Arglwydd Conta and Adrian Ivashkov are friends?"

"Yep!" She said in English, popping the P.

I growled, still speaking Welsh, "Well, now I have an annoying, stuck up Royal giving me cat stuffies and calling me Kitten. And it's not like I can get rid of it! I mean, it's a cat! And a stuffy! I've never thrown away a stuffy!"

Again, I could practically _hear _her smirk as she switched back to Welsh, "Yeah, I know," she said wryly, "they started taking over _my_ closet, too."

"Sorry," I shrugged, not really sorry at all, "I needed room."

"Anyways, what's the big deal? I think it's sweet."

"You would," I retorted, "and the 'big deal' is that I have a Royal courting me. He's an annoying tooshie!"

"Hey, you know what I noticed? Ever since little Innusha was born, you changed every swear word you use except douche, douchebag, douchecanoe or really anything involving douche."

"Not helping!"

"Sorry, but you'll just have to deal with it yourself. Your problem now." She said, and I knew she was grinning, "Love ya, Hwyl!"

"Hwyl." I sighed, hanging up. I turned around to see Adrian and Christian just staring at me, mouth hanging open like a fish.

"What?"

Christian turned to Adrian, "did you understand _any _of that?"

He frowned, "Conta… Adrian Ivashkov…. That's it, although I'm going to assume the word before Conta was Lord."

I rolled my eyes, "I speak Welsh. Get over it. I also speak Russian, although I'm better at Welsh."

"Why?!" Christian gaped, confused as to why _anyone_ would want to learn another language, apparently.

"My adopted sister, Arianwen, was born and raised in Wales. When she came to live with us, she wasn't very good at English. She was seven, but it was like talking to a four year old. I helped teach her English while she taught me Welsh, and we both learned Russian, in case we ever got a Russian charge. My charge, Vera, was Russian but was raised in Seattle, while hers was Russian and raised there for half his life. She lives in Russia with him now, in Omsk." I explained.

"You're talking about Nikolai?" Adrian asked.

I nodded, "yeah. Arianwen is one of his Guardians."

He frowned, "which one?"

I sighed. I didn't want to talk to him anymore, "the white haired one. You know, short, childlike, dual-natured? Swansea Wales accent?"

Christian gave me a confused look, "Swansea?"

"South Wales."

"Oh, I know who you're talking about!" Adrian grinned, "she's kinda cute."

I snarled, "don't you even dare go near her, Ivashkov, or I'll rip off your nuts and feed it to a polar bear. I don't know where I'll find a polar bear, but trust me when I say I will."

He smirked, cupping my chin, "feisty. That's hot. Don't worry, Kitten, I only have eyes for you."

I swatted his hand away, alarmed by how it made me feel. It was an effect of the Spirit, that's all. That's all. He gave me a knowing look and I let out an exasperate huff, storming off.

Douchebag.


	4. Chapter 4

I was a coward, plain and simple. Why was I a coward, you ask? Well, simply because I could face Strigoi without flinching, and angry parents were no problem (usually) but that electricity I felt around a certain Adrian Ivashkov? Nope, couldn't handle that.

And so, there I was, reading some stupidly inaccurate romantic vampire novel and, when that was finished, writing poems and songs, practicing them on my guitar late into the night. And by late into the night, I mean it was a little after sunrise when I finally called it quits. To be honest, I was exhausted and wanted nothing more than to crawl under my covers and escape into my dreams, but I had promised myself that I would make a "daytime" trip into the city to get a few things for Sir Koko.

With a yawn and a stretch, I slipped out of my Guardian outfit a put on a pair of artfully shredded black skinny jeans that allowed my tattoo on my right thigh to show through. I paired it with a black halter top that had ruffles around the teardrop shaped cavity and buttons doing up at the throat. I stared at all my shoes (I loved shoes) before pulling out two different pairs of boots. I slipped on one pair, then the other, and eventually decided on my knee high lace up pump boots. They were painstaking to do up, but damn they were fine. After a thought, I slipped a pocket knife into my right boot, slipping my stake into my black clutch. It was my favourite purse. It was was studded, the studs taking the shape of the United Kingdom flag thing, whatever it was called, and the top of it was a skull. I had a bit of a unique style, I'll admit. Anyways, I realized I probably wouldn't need the stake, but it certainly couldn't hurt to bring it, and humans could recognize a weapon, albeit a strange looking one, when they saw it.

I didn't really do much with my hair, just brushed it and tousled it with some mousse, letting my natural black waves do their own thing while I pulled out a pair of skull earrings. They were silver and kind of like an ear cuff, the skull drooping over the top of the ear while a snake-like spine looped around the back and went through the ear hole, a rattlersnake-like tail coming out the back. To match it, I pulled out my skull necklace with vertebrae-like chains going up to a circled bone clasp on one end, and a full bone line thing for the other side. To match it, I slid a silver skull bracelet on my left wrist, the bracelet catch looking very similar to the necklace. I lined my eyes with black eyeliner and put on some dark eyeshadow, curling my eyelashes and putting on a coat of mascara and putting on some deep red lipstick. I know, I was overdoing it a bit for a simple trip to the mall, but I didn't care. Not only was I getting out of court, but... the otherday's primping to see the Queen put me in a nostalogic mood. I used to love getting dressed to the nines, and now I never had time for it. I missed it, and so, if I was going out to have fun and spend money, I was going to enjoy it, dammit!

With another yawn, I locked up my apartment and headed to the garage. A grin lit out on my face at the sight of my beautiful, black, 2005 Chrysler 300c. Maybe it was a bit old, but it was a beautiful car. My grin instantly turned wary as I could feel someone there, and in the shadows I could see a dark shadow leaning against my car. Instinctively, I pulled my stake out of my clutch, approaching warily.

"There you are, Kitten, I'd begun to think you'd never come."

I blinked, dumbfounded. Okay, that was not what I was expecting, "what?"

He shrugged, I think. "Well, when you decided to disappear for the aftenoon, I asked Mia what was up, and she said you'd probably gone for a nap for your trip to civilization.

Dammit, I should've done that instead of reading and writing. Nevermind that, though, I was going to kill Mia. "And you thought that that meant you were welcome to join me?"

Adrian shrugged, "pretty much."

I rolled my eyes. Sadly, I don't think I had much of a choice. "Fine, get in the fudging car."

He did as I said and I buckled myself in, grumbling to myself. I idly wondered if I could get away with a fake car crash. Or a real one. Whichever.

"You don't swear."

I was pulled from my thoughts and I glanced over at him, confused. "Huh?"

He gave me a curious look. "I've noticed it before but never said anything. You never swear, even when you're mad. Why don't you ever swear?"

An image flashed in my mind. "Innusha." I murmured.

It was his turn to be confused, "huh?"

I sighed, "my daughter, Innusha Marie. She's three." I swallowed hard. I noticed Adrian look over me, look above my head and I couldn't help but shudder. He was looking at my aura.

He put his hand over mine on the gearshift, giving me a genuinely sympathetic look, "I'm sorry."

Well, by now you should know how I would react.

Feeling an electric shock. I yanked my hand away and put it on the steering wheel. "Whatever. Drop it."

He seemed hurt, but nodded. We fell into silence that was surprisingly comfortable, despite our current relationship, or lackthereof. After a while, though, he clicked on my radio. I couldn't help my groan. Great, he was going to put on some classical shit.

A familiar tune reached my ears and I resisted the urge to play air guitar on my lap. 'Or not' I thought to myself with a grin. It seemed he had found one of my mix CD's, and had put on a good song.

Well, I couldn't help myself.

"Sparkling angel, I believed  
You were my saviour, in my time of need  
Blinded by faith, I couldn't hear  
All the whispers, the warnings so clear

I see the angels, I'll lead them to your door  
There's no escape now, no mercy no more  
No remorse 'cause I still remember...  
The smile when you tore me apart!"

I had identified strongly with this song for a long time. I had met Aleksandr Drosdov when I was a freshman and he was a sophomore. Arianwen had introduced me to her friend, Nikolai Conta and he had introduced us to Alek and Vera, Vera was in her senior year, which was sad but I didn't get too upset. She had tried to warn me away from Alek. A lot of people did, but I hadn't cared.

I thought I was in love. I hadn't even needed compulsion at the time. I started doing whatever he wanted me to do, partying, drinking, whatever. Arianwen was the only one who kept me stable, only one who stopped me from doing the stupid of stupid things.

And then, suddenly, I became my own person. I was in the two month stretch of graduation and not much had changed. Aleksandr and I had done an impromptu weekend roadtrip into the city and we'd been returning to our academy. It was just after sunset and I was lucky as hell that I'd been trained with a stake, because all of a sudden, I was facing a Strigoi.

I made my first kill that day.

Since then, I sobered up. I was being smart and I graduated with top marks. I had never really screwed off with my marks, even while I was partying, and now I spent even more time studying and practicing, and less time partying and drinking.

Vera requested me as her Guardian and so I lived with her and her brother. Before I would do whatever he wanted me to do. I was young and vulnerable and saw him as a dashing knight in shining armour. Now I could think for myself. I told him no sex withotu protection, no more biting, nothing I wouldn't be proud of.

And, for a while, things seemed fine. Later, Vera would tell me that I acted strange whenever he was around, but for now, I thought things were normal.

And then I found out I was that happened, the compuslion Aleksandr had been using on me simply snapped, and I remembered everything. Not only was I disgusted, I was devestated, and mad, and afraid.

And all that bastard could do was smile.

"You took my heart  
Deceived me right from the start  
You showed me dreams  
I wish they'd turn into real  
You broke a promise and made me realize...  
It was all just a lie!

Sparkling angel, I couldn't see  
Your dark intentions, your feelings for me  
Fallen angel, tell me why  
What is the reason, the thorn in your eye?

I see the angels, I'll lead them to your door  
There's no escape now, no mercy no more  
No remorse 'cause I still remember...  
The smile when you tore me apart!

You took my heart  
Deceived me right from the start  
You showed me dreams  
I wish they'd turn into real  
You broke a promise and made me realize...  
It was all just a lie!

Could have been forever,  
Now we have reached the end!"

How long had he been lying to me? How long had he been telling me he loved me, just to get laid and fed? I had done everything for him, and he just threw it back in my face. With a smile. He promised me he'd never make me do something I didn't want to do, and he lied.

Idly, I realized Adrian was staring at me. I'm not sure if it was because of my singing (I had a pretty good voice. Not something I could do proffessionally, but it wasn't bad), or because of the light show my aura must have been giving off. Probably both.

"This world may have failed you,  
That doesn't give you reason why...  
You could have chosen a different path in life...  
The smile when you tore me apart!

You took my heart  
Deceived me right from the start  
You showed me dreams  
I wish they'd turn into real  
You broke a promise and made me realize...  
It was all just a lie!

Could have been forever,  
Now we have reached the end!"

I don't know what had happened to Alek, to make him think that gave him an excuse to treat people like that, but it didn't matter.

"So... Within Temptation, huh?" Adrian said a little awkwardly.

"Yeah. I never would've pegged you for a fan of... well, whatever style this is. I would've thought you'd like classical or something."

He grimaced, "I like posh fashion, 'cause I look good, and I like fancy food, I'd love to learn how to cook..." He blushed, I swear, "and I love fancy art but... classical music puts me to sleep. I prefer rock and metal, and some of the new age shit is cool, but I can't stand classical."

Hmm... Maybe there was more to party boy than I thought.

We went the rest of the drive mostly silent, aside from my mix CD. We listened to some Nightwish, like Bye Bye Beautiful and She is My Sin, first with the new singer Anette Olzon, second with the old singer Tarja Turunen, we listened to some Manson like Personal Jesus and This is The New Shit, some Avenged Sevonfold with Nightmare, Beast and the Harlot, Afterlife, and Welcome to the Family, some Motley Crue with Girls, Girls, Girls and Dr. Feelgood, a little Maiden with Run To The Hills, a little Black Veiled Brides with Fallen Angels, and some Distillers with City of Angels, The Hunger and This Young Crazed Peeling Feeling. In retrospect, a lot of the songs on this playlist had to do with angels..

We had just finished City of Angels, when Afterlife came on. I was surprised to see his eyes light up, and even more surprised to hear him sing along.

"I don't belong here, I gotta move on dear  
Escape from this afterlife  
'Cause this time I'm right to move on and on,  
Far away from here

Got nothing against you and surely I'll miss you  
This place full of peace and light, and I'd hope you might  
Take me back inside when the time is right"

He had a pleasant voice to listen to. Very pleasant. Deep, but not too deep, between a tenor and a bass, and it was a rich tone. It gave me the chills and sent a feeling straight through me, one I didn't really recognize. Very pleasant indeed.

Bad. Bad Liv. The road. Focus on the road. THE ROAD! Okay. Better. Much better. Good road.

Finally, we pulled up to the mall and I jumped out the car, giving my legs a much needed stretch, cracking my knees and back in the process.

Adrian stepped out of the car and squinted in the bright light. I almost felt bad for him. But then he decided to check me out and gave a low whistle. I'll admit, I was done up a bit better than normal and the halter, with the opening between neck and top part showed off my larger sized C cup well. Pair that wit my high heeled boots and carefully slit jeans and I looked sexy as hell. Oh, and I was dressed in all black, which I had failed to notice before. Great.

I played with my skull neck idly, glaring slightly at Adrian, "take a picture, it'll last longer."

To my surprise, he did. "Hey!"

He shrugged, "you told me to."

I just glared, my glare faltering at his next comment. "What's your tattoo of?"

I glanced down at my thigh, my tattoo just barely peeking through the jean slits. "It's the Monroe Coat of Arms. It's a sheild with a demented eagle thing in it with weird flowery things around it, a piece of parchment below saying Monroe, a helmet with another eagle perched on top of it and another piece of parchment above it saying 'Dread God'."

He smirked, "Pleasant."

I just shook my head and walked towards the mall entrance. I had a specific list in mind and I wasn't about to let him change that. First, we went to the eye specialist and I got a monacle, then I went to the fabric store and I bought some black felt, red cashmere and black velvet, then I went to the toy store and bought a plastic wand, the dollar store for some red ribbon and plastic flowers, and finally we went back to the fabric store and bought brown felt and stuffing. Adrian hadn't said a word about my strange items, but finally he requested that we stop at a food court. Feeling hungry myself, I agreed.

We were sitting at one of the tables in a corner, the food court being fairly empty. I was attempting to devour three Big Macs in under a minute while he barely touched his wrap. That's when I noticed he was really pale.

"Hey, you okay?"

He flinched, grimacing, "I'm fine. Just not hungry."

I quirked an eyebrow at him, "you're really pale. Have you fed recently?"

He looked down.

"That's what I thought. And you're out in the sun. God, Adrian, you should've said something earlier! Or not come!"

"I'm sorry."

Just then, I heard a familiar voice call out. "Hey, Liv, how's Alek?" The voice sneered.

I froze as Justin Tarus and Allison Jerard made their way to us. Justin and Allison were two Moroi I had known back in highschool. You know, back when I was a partier who would let Aleksandr drink from me whenever he wanted.

"I don't know, why don't you ask him?" I said smoothly, hoping Adrian would keep his big mouth shut.

"Why? You letting this fucktard use you now? I thought you said I could be next if you and Alek ever ended it." Justin complained.

I could feel Adrian staring at me, but I ignored him, "Leave Justin, I'm not like that anymore. I don't do that stuff."

Without warning, he leant in and brushed his fangs against my throat. I seized up and closed my eyes, swallowing as a wave of desire like no other passed through me. It was a burning agony, and I couldn't help my flushed cheeks, nor my soft whimper. I could feel his fangs just barely pierce my flesh, my body coming alive with electricity as it prepared for the agonizing bliss, when suddenly I felt a rush of air as Justin was yanked away and thrown, presumably since my eyes were still closed, to the ground.

Now, we'd been pretty lucky so far, since we'd been in an unoccupied corner of the food court and no one had really paid us much mind, but when one guy threw another into the ground, well, people were bound to notice.

So, when I finally peeled back my heavy eyelids and blinked away my languid daze, I became aware that half the food court was staring at us. I was also aware that Justin was trembling at fear, staring into Adrian's too green eyes. I recognized the look in his eyes. It meant Adrian's spirit was taking over.

"Apologize to Liv." He said coldly. Immediately, Justin was grovel king at my feet, begging forgiveness. "That's not good enough. You can do better than that, can't you?"

I was terrified of this side of Spirit. Okay, it I were to be honest, I was terrified of Spirit in general, but this side of it...

"Adrian, stop!" I cried out. I shivered violently at the look in his eyes when he turned to me,"stop, Adrian. It's enough. You can stop now." I said softly, approaching him cautiously. He looked at me warily, that dark and twisted look still deep in his eyes. So, I did the first thing I could think of.

I slapped him.

It was a good, hard smack. Maybe a little too hard, now that I think about it, but oh we'll. Adrian blinked a few times as realization and despair came over him. I knew I had to get him out f there.

"Compel them to forget." I murmured.

"I can't." He whispered brokenly, staring at his hands as if he had murdered an innocent child.

I put my hand under his chin, looking into his eyes. "Yes, you can. I know you can."

He looked at me for a moment or two, as if he were drowning and I was a life raft, and, with a shudder, turned to compel Justin and Allison. I had to turn away, closing my eyes at the onslaught of memories. When I heard Adrian turn away and, without thinking about it, I grabbed Adrian's hand and my bags and half dragged him out the door and to my car, leaving our food on the table. I threw my bags into the back and got into the car. I looked over at Adrian, seeing him stare into space.

"Are you okay?" I asked. I could see him shaking, and he was even paler than before. I wast sure if it was because he was angry, scared or exhausted. Probably all three.

"No. No, I'm not. I've never..." he swallowed hard, "I've never let the darkness take over me like that. Usually I just ramble on but that..." he looked over to me, vulnerable and scared, "I wanted to hurt him, Livvy, I wanted to hurt him bad. I'm going crazy, aren't I?"

Livvy? Not Kitten? That was a surprise. Only J.C and Noah called me Livvy.

Nevermind that, though. I've never seen him so vulnerable. I couldn't help but feel awkward. I mean, I always kept my pain to myself, never let anyone in, so I was rarely comforted. As a result, I also didn't know how to comfort other people. But he looked so sad and scared, so pathetic, that I had to try.

"No, Adrian, you're not going crazy. You just got a little mad, that's all. It's okay to get mad. It happens. At least you didn't hurt them, right? You wanted to hurt them, but didn't. You stayed in control, and that's a good thing. It'll be okay."

Like I said, I was at a loss. Still, I leaned over my seat and wrapped my arms around him, letting out an indignant squeak when he pulled me into his lap. I was about to pull away and yell at him, but then I realized he was still shaking. Not only that, but I knew he wouldn't make it back to Court. Not in his condition.

"Alright," I sighed. He pulled away, giving me a confused look.

I rolled my eyes, pushing my hair off my shoulders. I realied that it would also reveal my scars, the scars that marked me as a bloodwhore in the making, but I didn't care. "You need to feed. You won't make it back to Court otherwise. But after, you'll have to drive."

He looked at me, clearly shocked, "Liv, I can't."

I rolled my eyes again and pulled out my pocket knife, flipping it open. I gently ran the blade along my neck, wincing in slight pain. It didn't cut enough to do me damage, only enough to bring a little blood to the surface. Adrian's eyes widened, and without any warning, I felt the agonizing bliss of his bite as he pulled me closer.

I couldn't help but whimper in pleasure, all thoughts erased from my mind as I arched my back. Then, suddenly, it was gone and I was collapsed against his chest, breathing hard. I could feel a burning tingle, hot and cold and hot again, in my neck and when I slowly put my hand there, for once in a long time, it felt smooth.

"Mmm?" I wondered languidly.

"I healed your neck. You don't have any scars anymore."

"Mm..." I yawned, resting my head against his chest.

"Okay, time to switch places," He said quickly, voice a little rough as he lifted me up in his arms. He got out of the car and placed me into the passenger seat, buckling me in. I heard him sit in the driver's side and once we started driving, I passed out.

I awoke about an hour and a half later to the smell of McDonald's. I blinked, feeling much more awake and less high.

"Morning, Kitten," Adrian smirked, dropping the bag of food in my lap.

"Ngh..." I groaned, stretching and sitting upright in my seat, tightening my seatbelt a bit.

"How do you feel, Kitten?" Honestly, I was getting sick of that nickname. Even if it was kinda cute.

"Better, I guess. What about you?" I asked as I delved into the bag. Three Big Macs, two large fries and a large chocolate McFlurry or whatever they call it. Yummy!

"I feel okay. I didn't take that much, 'cause I didn't want to put you too out of it, but it will do until we get back to Court. Now, eat up Kitten. We can't have you getting malnourished."

I rolled my eyes, but took the first burger out of the bag, my mouth watering at the warm, delicious smell coming from the wrapper. Usually I tried to eat healthy but sometimes... sometimes it felt good to be bad. And right now? Something so bad never tasted so good.

It took my less than a minute to eat my first burger, and after I licked the sauce off my fingers, I took a big sip of my chocolate McFlurry. Adrian looked like he didn't know whether to laugh or throw up. Probably laugh while throwing up. Gross. I hope he'd pull over to the side, first. This was my precious car. Plus, he'd ruin my appetite if I had to smell it.

I pulled out a handful of fries and munched away, pulling out another burger. I finished hat off, and other one, and the rest of my fries in under five minutes. I think that was a new record! I took a long sip of my McFlurry, my cheeks squeezing as I struggled. Damn, they were thick!

"Finished?" Adrian asked. I nodded happily. He passed me a couple baby wipes and I used them to clean my hands and face, drying them off on a napkin.

"I should drive now," I said, scooping a little of my... is it a milkshake? What is a McFlurry, anyways? Anywho, I scooped a bit of it into my mouth.

"No, you're still weak from bloodloss."

No I wasn't! "No I'm not!"

"Yes you are," he said patiently, "now finish your shake...thing."

I scooped more into my mouth awkwardly, "Thank you."

"Huh? What for?"

"For not letting him bite me? For buying me food? For... I don't know, just being you?" I shrugged.

He seemed shocked and pleased, "Wow, a genuine thank you from Olivya Monroe."  
I growled, "do NOT call me that."

He chuckled, then sighed, "you remind me of Rose, you know. Back in the good old days, where she would flirt and play along with my games? Now things aren't the same."

I bit my lip. Awkwaaaaaard...

"Listen, things go back to normal when we get back to Court, kay? I go back to not liking you and you go back to bein annoyin. And you do NOT repeat anything you heard about me today. For all you know, I've never been bitten in my life. Got it?"

He looked confused and hurt, but nodded.

"Good." I grinned, switching on my mix CD. City of Angels by Distillers.

We sang out loud, grinning and acting like fools. Like we were best friends. Song after song passed, until we came to BVB's Fallen Angels.

"Take joy in who you are  
We know our wings are flawed

We're bored to death in heaven  
And down alone in hell  
We only want to be ourselves

We scream, we shout  
We are the fallen angels  
We scream, we shout, woah, woah  
To those who sing alone  
No need to feel this sorrow  
We scream, we shout, woah  
We are the fallen angels."

He pulled into Court, driving to my apartment building and parking it in the underground garage. We both got out and I grabbed my bags and purse, taking the keys when he passed them to me.

We stood there for a moment, me leaning against the car. With neither of us talking, I actually took the time to study him. As I was only 5'8, a height that sounded taller than it actually was, he towered over me. I think he was around 6'3, maybe 6'4ish? His face was angular, but not in a bad way, and he had a lean and lanky, yet still musculard frame. His hair was fairly long and deep brown, stylishly messy and looked soft and silky to the tuh. Nice sized eyes that were a deep, emerald green, staring at me in a focused, smouldering way that sent odd tingles through me. He had nice looking hands, an odd thing to think about really, and a little bit of stubble. Five o'clock shadow, it's called. He smelled really, really good, but it wasn't overpowering. With a start, I realized he hadn't been smoking or drinking.

And dammit all, this man was downright sexy. I couldn't breathe, and my mouth felt dry as a bone. But, with intense attraction came fear. And curiousity. He was gazin at me, drinking it in, almost as if he were as unsettled by me and the thick attraction between us as.  
He started to lean in, and I realized just how nice and soft his lips looked. He was going to kiss me, and I was going to let him. No; I was going to enjoy it.

I closed my eyes, feeling his breath on my lips and I felt my own breath hitch. We were inches apart when...

"Liv!"

Shit! Mia! We both jerked apart, my heart pounding, both of us blushing like mad. Hopefully Mia wouldn't be able to see it.

"How was your trip?" She asked

"Fine," I shrugged, willing myself to calm down, "but I gotta go and do some craft work. See you later Mia, Adrian."

I nodded to each of them, tring not to blush as my eyes lingered slightly on Adrian. He smirked at me, and then did something I hadn't been expecting at all.

That asshole leant in an kissed my cheek!

I couldn't help but go scarlet as his lips brushed against my cheek, his warm breath tickling my ear as he chuckled, making me shiver. Mia smirked at my expression as I shoved him away and rushed by, eager to get away from them both.

Damn him and his so-hot-it-will-melt-my-brain-till-I'm-nothing-but-a-pile-of-goo looks.


	5. Chapter 5

I yawned, stretching like a cat as I sat up. When I had gotten back to my room, I'd been so exhausted that I collapsed on my bed, not even bothering to remove my boots. My feet were killing me because of it. I sat up and pulled them off, massaging my poor feet before making my way to my bathroom.

I looked like a mess. I really, really did. I had a quick shower and threw my hair up into a messy ponytail, applying moisturizer to my face. With all my frustrations, I wanted nothing more than to have a good, long work out session. With that, I rifled through my closet and pulled out my curve-hugging black tank and a pair of shorts, pulling on some sneakers. I nodded to myself, grabbing my iPod and headed down to the gym.

I quickened my pace to a jog, shivering slightly. Dhampirs had more of a resistance to cold, but since it was January, it was still rather cold. I was glad when I reached the gym, rubbing my arms and heading over to the punching bags. I popped my headphones in and turned it to my work out mix, slipping on a pair of gloves before setting to work.

I don't know how much time had passed, but by the time I felt someone shaking my shoulders, a lot of my hair had come loose from it's ponytail and I felt sweat sticking to me, making me feel gross. Irritably, I yanked out my headphones, turning to snarl at the person who dared to interrupt my workout.

"There you are, Kitten. Have you been here all morning?" Adrian asked, wrinkling his nose, "how can you stand to be in here? It stinks."

I crossed my arms, scowling, "don't like it, leave. You don't have to be here."

"I've been looking everywhere for you. Lissa, you know, the Queen? She had you assigned to me. You are now my Guardian." He grinned smugly. I felt myself pale.

"Oh fuck."

Hell no! Hell no! I was Adrian's Guardian?! Oh, fuck me with a chainsaw and call me Suzie, this is not good. No. "Why?" I gasped, apparently too incoherent for anything else.

"I think she said it was Mia's suggestion." He said, raising an eyebrow at my swearing.

Fuck. Just… just… fuck. Of course. Of course. It makes sense. Of course she would've seen me blush. She was a fucking Vampire! They were born with night vision! She probably saw our almost kiss, too. She must've thought she was helping me, setting me up with Adrian…

"I'm going to kill her." I growled.

Adrian laughed and grabbed my arm, causing me to yelp and jump away from the contact. Damn it.

"Come on, Liv. You need to cool down, and I need to see the feeders. You gotta come with me now, since you're my Guardian." He smirked, clearly rubbing it in.

I frowned, "We're on Court. I don't need to come. We have wards, you know."

He grinned at me now, but it was an eerie grin. Creepy. "The wards can't hold forever, Kitten. Are your claws sharp?"

I gave him a strange look, "uh… yeah… Sharp… as a razor. Are… are you okay?"

He shuddered slightly and pulled out a flask from his coat pocket, taking a long sip and putting it back. "Yeah, fine. Let's go."

I nodded warily, wishing I had another change of clothes, "Can I go home and have a quick shower and change first?"

"No." He said, quickly walking out the door. Douchebag.

I followed him silently, sneaking glances at him now and then. What had that whole… creepy thing been? Clearly it was a side effect of Spirit but it had sounded less like crazy rambling and more like a prophecy. What had he said, _"The wards can't hold forever, Kitten. Are you claws sharp?"_

What did that mean? Were the wards weak? Was there going to be a Strigoi attack? When? Should I tell someone? Yeah, of course, "_There's going to be a Strigoi attack. I don't know when. How do I know? My crazy Spirit using charge told me."_ Yeah, that'd go over well.

It was probably just his crazy rambling. There weren't any parallels. None. This was not like Saint Arianwen. Besides, she was crazy 'cause her bondmate died. Plus, none of her prophecies came true. It wasn't a big deal.

So why did I feel scared out of her mind?

"Liv?"

"Huh?" I frowned, glancing up at Adrian.

"Are you okay?"

I rolled my eyes, shoving away my fear, "peachy. Let's go." I frowned again, pushing the door open for him and following him in. He was set up with a feeder rather quickly, so I stood off to the side, eyes averted as envy raged through me. It was disgusting. I didn't miss it. I didn't! But… I couldn't help but remember how his lips had felt against my throat.

"Careful, Kitten. You're lit up like a Christmas tree. And even if I couldn't see auras, you're really being obvious." His voice murmured in my ear, soft like a caress. I shoved him away, flushing from the proximity.

"Stop that. Let's go." I grumbled, walking out.

We walked down to the nearest café, and I was surprised to see Guardian Hathaway, Belikov and Castile. Not so much to see Mia, though.

"Rose, Dimitri, Eddie. What are you guys doing here? Shouldn't you be guarding the Queen?"

Rose grimaced, "She ordered us out. Gave us the day off. Christian proposed and she wants to… uh… thank him properly."

Adrian burst into laughter and I flushed, "she compelled you out?"

"Yep, I'm not allowed to return until later."

All this talking about charges and guarding brought back my earlier anger, "Speaking of guarding…. What have you done to me, Mia?! I was assigned to Adrian, and I've heard that _you_ were the one to suggest it." I grumbled.

She giggled, "yeah, too bad, isn't it? Now you'll be too busy to train me." She winked. I could hear the obvious double meaning and my cheeks went red.

"Shut up!"

"If you want, Mia, I can train you. But you can't use a stake." Eddie offered. I looked at him curiously. There was something up with him.

"That's okay. You'll be too busy." She said, ducking her head.

"I'm not that busy. I can make time…"

Were they into each other? I looked over at Adrian and saw him gazing at their auras, a look of amusement in his eyes. Oh yeah, they were crushing alright.

"Come on, Adrian, I need to head back to my apartment," I said, feeling disgusting in my clothes. He shrugged, and everyone stood up.

"We'll follow for a bit. We're going over to Mia's for a while anyways." Rose said.

I nodded and we started walking. The other were hanging back, talking, so Adrian and I got a pretty good lead on them.

"Eddie and Mia, huh?" I asked, grinning slightly.

"So it would seem. About time, too. He's been interested in her since Senior year."

"Really? Shut up!"

"No, seriously!" He laughed, "it started… well, I don't know, since I only met them when they came to the resort. I know his opinion of her changed after Mia's mother's death and their kidnapping. After Mason died, she comforted him and they became closer, even though bother were too depressed to even think about doing anything. It's only been the past few months that he's finally started moving on."

I nodded. Mourning was a long, tough process. I would be mourning for many, many years before I finally got over Vera and Innusha, I'm sure.

As if conjured by my thoughts, I saw a familiar, and unwelcome, face in my peripheral vision. I paused, curious, and then outright froze.

Tall, lean, shaggy light brown hair, abnormally pale skin (even for a Moroi) and big, bottomless, deep blue eyes. Eyes I used to drown in daily. I was frozen, unable to do anything but stare at him. There was a faint buzzing in my ears, and I think Adrian was trying to get my attention, but I was so cold, and I couldn't hear, couldn't see, couldn't breathe.

The faint buzzing became more annoying, frustrated and a little afraid as it got louder. Funny, I didn't think buzzing could be annoyed or frightened. Then, suddenly, I felt as if someone had slapped me in the face or dumped ice water on me.

Adrian had grabbed my arms and gripped them tightly, staring deep into my eyes. I could feel an electric current run up and down my body, and panic clouded all senses.

"You're… afraid." Adrian murmured.

"No, let me go!" I hissed in terror, struggling to get away. His eyes caught mine again.

"Shh… calm down Olivya. Everything is going to be okay. Don't run away, no need to runaway. Just tell me what's wrong. I'll make it better."

I was still trying to get away, but not as hard now. Why fight? He made sense. He could make it better.

"That's it. I'll make it better. I'll take care of you. It's okay."

A saying flashed in my mind, _'they come first'_. It wasn't his job to take care of me.

Like that, the compulsion snapped and, in my panic, I punched Adrian. I avoided his nose, hitting his cheek bone instead and pulled back most of my power at the last second, but it still shocked him and caused him to fall flat on his bum. Any other time, I would've laughed. He looked up at me in shock and I saw Eddie, Rose, Dimitri and Mia staring at me in horror.

Without saying another word, I took off, racing for home. I slammed my door and locked it, pacing as I dialed a familiar number with shaking hands.

I had meant to call my mother, but suddenly, another familiar voice picked up.

"Hello?" Arianwen said, speaking Russian. I guess I called her instead.

"Aria..." I whimpered, feeling my eyes water and burn. Then, without warning, I burst into tears. Thick, wet tears rolled down my cheeks as I took breath after shuddering breath, sobbing my heart out.

"Chwaer hŷn? What's wrong? Are you okay?" She asked, then covered the mouth piece. Even still, I could still pick up what she was saying. "Derrion, I have to take this. It's my sister. Can you handle everything for a bit? It won't be long, I promise."

"Is Olya okay?" I heard Nikolai ask.

"I don't know. Please Der? I promise I'll only be a few minutes."

"Take your time, Aria. We'll be fine."

I heard a door open and close, then heard Arianwen's voice again. "Talk to me, Liv-ly, what's going on?"

The nickname only made me cry harder. I had an assortment of nicknames growing up. My Irish grandfather would always call me Liverpool, after the place in England, my parents sometimes call me Livrhea, because of my middle name being Rhiannon, my brother and sister would call me Livvy, Nikolai and Vera called me Olya, which is apparently my Russian nickname, and Arianwen would call me Liv-ly or Liver breath, depending on the mood she was in.

"Liv?"

"They're gonna execute me!" I gasped out, sounding like a strangled cat.

There was a moment of silence, "huh?"

"They… I'm… I punched a Royal. My charge. Because he tried to use compulsion on me… I punched… the late Queen's great-nephew… A Moroi… oh god. I'm going to die. Or worse, I'll be sent to live with bloodwhores!" I sobbed.

"Only you would think living with bloodwhores would be worse than dying."

"Aria!"

"I'm sorry! You'll be fine, Liv. You might get into a little trouble, but they don't execute you for that, and they won't strip you of your Guardian title. I promise you. We have too few Guardians as it is, especially female ones."

"But…"

"No buts, Olivya. Calm down. This isn't like you. Just calm down, and relax. Deep breaths. Deep breaths."

I started to relax, then heard a loud crash in the background, "Shit! Listen, I gotta go. Just keep calm!"

She hung up.

Somewhere deep down, I knew she was right. Maybe. But I couldn't think past my panic. My little sister was out there, fighting Strigoi, and I couldn't help her. The last Strigoi battle I was in, my charge was killed and my daughter….

Thinking about Strigoi brought back the dread I felt earlier, only now it was terror. It had to be nothing. It couldn't mean anything, could it? What if it was real? What if there was a Strigoi attack? People would die, and I wouldn't have done anything to stop it. I would be worse than a Strigoi! But no… it had to be just Adrian's crazy rambling… it couldn't mean—

Oh god. Adrian. I punched Adrian. Adrian, my charge. Adrian, a Moroi. They were going to KILL me! Send me to prison! To a blood whore commune! Or I'd have to live among _humans_! Oh god…

I could feel my heart pounding in my chest, my entire body cold and shaking, and as my breathing constricted, it began pounding harder. See, when I was a child, I was diagnosed with acute anxiety, and was prone to having panic attacks. Something as simple as a pop quiz or losing a pencil could send me into one, and when I had to start learning my duty, it would send me into hysteria. It got so bad that, at only seven years old, the school administrator told my mom to hop me up on pills and keep me at home, because I would never be fit to be a Guardian. I was in the room at the time, and, to everyone's surprise, I agreed.

A month went by, and then we heard that a family of Non-royals had been killed by Strigoi. They hadn't had any Guardians.

My views changed. They died, because kids like me were staying at home. They died because we didn't have enough Guardians. Before, the Guardian mantra used to terrify me. I was afraid of it, and angry. Why did I have to die, to save some weak, privileged rich kid? Why were they more important than me? But that wasn't what scared me. Even then, I had a strong sense of duty. I knew that, even if I didn't like it, I would lay my life down on the line in a minute, because that's what I was supposed to do. And it scared me. Scared me that I would hold someone's life in my hands. I would be the only thing that kept them from dying, or worse. It terrified me.

But after that day, I looked at that phrase ina new way. Their life was in my hands. I could stop them from a fate worse than death. I would be a hero. I went back to school and quickly caught up, battling my anxiety as I did.

Whenever I was alone, I would build myself up into a panic attack, then use calming techniques to bring me back down. As I did this, I became numb to most fears. By the time I was eleven years old, I couldn't be afraid anymore. So I thought.

I knew it wasn't a great thing, to be numb to most fears, but it did help me. When I killed my first Strigoi, at eighteen years old, I wasn't afraid; just ready.

Unfortunately, I did have some consequences. I haven't had a panic attack in twelve years. As such, I became more panicked, unable to remember my calming techniques.

My breathing picked up as my heart thrummed in my chest, and I struggled to see past the monochrome kaleidoscope dancing in my eyes. Beneath the high pitched ringing, I thought I could hear banging and shouting, but I wasn't sure. My legs felt weak, and I was dizzy. I couldn't breathe. Out of nowhere, I heard a thud and felt something firm beneath me. The sharp pain in my keens, shoulders and head informed me that I had collapsed, and the shouting got louder.

I couldn't breathe. Whoever said drowning was a peaceful death should be nailed to stake by their genitals because it _hurt_. Being unable to breathe hurt so bad, tears rolled down my cheeks. I was going to die. Honest to god, I was going to die. Suddenly, I heard a loud bang and I glanced over at my door.

Or… where my door used to be? All I could see was empty space, and that was enough to, momentarily, distract me from the burning ache in my chest.

"Liv!"

Adrian? I looked over to see green, green eyes and my panicked up once more. It was weird. He had a simultaneous calming and panicking effect on me.

The pain blossomed in my chest and I whimpered slightly, trying to cover my ears. The ringing hurt so bad, I thought I was going to throw up. My world rippled, and I knew it couldn't be long before I passed out.

Green. They were so green. Pulsing, swirling, shaking green. Green that made me tingle, and made me hot and cold and hot again. My knees didn't hurt so much. Even in my panic-addled state, I realized he healed my knees. And, despite my panicked terror, I also felt cold and calm. Something soft and cold and smooth brushed my cheek, my hair, but all I could see was green. Green watering, silvered green. Cool on my cheek. Wet.

"Pretty…" I rasped, choking on air. My alarm picked up once again and the green looked scared and so, so sad.

And then the green world rippled again, and it all faded to black.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o 0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o 0o0o0o0o0o0o0o**

**A/N: How's that? I'm so sorry, it's taken forever. My computer cracked up, and I can only post at school. My chapters are going to being a little erratic, but I promise I haven't forgotten you! **


	6. Chapter 6

_'Why isn't she waking up? She should be waking up by now, shouldn't she? It's been an entire day. Why isn't she awake?'_

A slap.

_'Calm the hell down, Adrian, she'll be fine. She's a Guardian.'_

A growl.

_'So? She has feelings, and she's only human. Sort of. Just because she's a Guardian doesn't mean she's okay.'_

A sigh.

_'It's our job, Adrian, it's what we so. She'll be okay, because she knows her life doesn't matter. Only yours does. It's how things are.'_

Silence.

_'Not for long, if I can help it. You guys shouldn't have to continually lay down your lives for us.'_

Another sigh.

_'It's what we do, Liss. It's what we're born for.'_

Where was I? I could hear voices and a steady beeping. I could smell disinfectant and other chemicals. And Adrian. I could smell Adrian.

I shifted a little, wincing in pain. My head and chest ached in the worst way. I groaned softly and opened my eyes, confused as my world blurred and focused. I was in an infirmary?

"Liv?" I turned to Adrian, his green eyes holding nothing but concern for me, "how are you feeling?"

"My head and chest ache," I rasped, coughing, "and my throat. But it's not a big deal, it's to be expected.'

Lissa looked at me curiously, "do you get panic attacks often?"

I sighed, "I used to. I was born with acute anxiety. So were my siblings. It comes from my dad. I numbed myself by the time I was eleven, and u haven't been afraid or had a panic attack since then. I forgot how to handle it."

I sat up, wincing, and Adrian got me a glass of water. I muttered a quick thanks and downed it, rubbing my head. I looked around the room, curious to see who was there, and groaned. Really?

Everyone was there. Literally everyone. Adrian was watching me carefully, Christian had his arm around Lissa's waist, and they were clearly in love. Nearby I saw Dimitri and Rose. They were alert, looking around without actually looking around, but at the same time, they were holding hands and smiling at each other. Eddie was also standing guard nearby and Mia was standing at my bedside. Both of them kept sneaking glances at each other.

"We'll, I guess some congratulations are in order, hub? Congrats, Queen Lissa and future King Christian." I grinned, attempting to diffuse the tension.

Lissa blushed, probably at the use of her title but Christian seemed proud and even excited. "The best King and Queen there ever was!" Rose exclaimed.

"Damn straight!" Christian grinned. There was laughter and general happiness, but then Lissa brought us back to why we were here in the first place.

"What happened?" She asked. I sighed.

"Well, because I had numbed myself, I haven't had a panic attack in twelve years. Unfortunately it meant that I wasn't prepared to fend it off."

"From what I could tell, it was pretty severe." Eddie remarked.

"Yeah. It was a combination of somebody attacking my sister's charge and his other Guardian in the middle of our phone call, and me punching Adrian." Well, and his whole prophecy thing, but I chose not to mention that, "am I going to be stripped of my title?" I asked, my heart rate increasing as alarm shot through me. Adrian glanced over at my heart rate monitor and put his hand in my arm. My heart rate spiked, audibly skipping a beat at the electric shock, but between his presence and those green eyes, I managed to calm myself down; something that was heard by everyone.

I glanced up and fought a blush at the looks on everyone's faces. Mia was smirking, as was Christian, while Lissa and Dimitri seemed amused. Eddie hasn't really reacted, but Rose looked curious.

"Are you two dating?" Rose asked.

My cheeks went scarlet, "no! Of course not! Don't be ridiculous." I protested. At the same time, Adrian had said, "not yet."

Christian smirked more, "methinks the lady doth protest too much."

Morons.

"So, anyways..." I said awkwardly, "what... Uhm... What happened to my door?

Both Eddie and Dimitri grinned, "we kicked it down."

I blinked, "why?"

"Uh, because you punched a Moroi, ran off, wouldn't open your door and collapsed?"

"...right. Stupid question. Moving on..." I sighed? "So...am I..."

"No, you're still Adrian's Guardian." Lissa smiled.

I nodded. Great. On one hand, at least I hadn't lost my job, but in the other hand... I was Adrian's Guardian. Mother of fudge.

"Can I go now?" I asked, massaging my head.

"Yeah, I'd just like to talk to you first. " Rose said, "alone. Adrian can wait outside."

Everyone left and I couldn't help but notice how close Eddie and Mia were. Adrian seemed reluctant to leave, but eventually it was just me and Rose.

"What's up?" I asked, unhooking myself from the machines.

Rose seemed uncertain, as if she wanted to choose her words carefully. From what I'd heard about her, this was exceedingly rare, and it put me on guard instantly.

"Don't hurt him."

I blinked in confusion, "huh?"

"Adrian. Don't hurt him. I've done that far too many times as it is." He ran a hand through her hide, sighing. She looked ashamed and regretful, but I was surprised to feel anger shoot trough me regardless.

"Why do you think I'd hurt him." I scowled, trying to contain my anger.

She raised her eyebrows, and I raised one in return. An extremely jealous look appeared on her face and my anger was replaced with confusion.

"Didn't you see him? You can't really be that oblivious. He cares about you. A lot."

I shook my head, going towards the door. I paused, turning back towards Rose, "tell everyone we're meeting at my place for movies tonight."

I walked out the door, surprised to see Adrian still waiting for me. He but his lip and ruffled his hair- a habit I noticed he did when he was feeling particularly distressed.

"You waited?" I frowned, confused.

"You're my Guardian." He shrugged. We both knew that was just an excuse.

We started walked and I looked around me, not recognizing my surroundings, "where are we going?"

"My place. We need to talk." He said, giving me a pointed look.

I balked. Sugar. "Actually, can we go to my place? I'm having everyone over for movies tonight. Trying to set up Mia and Eddie."

He laughed, "yeah, they've got it bad for each other, don't they?"

I nodded with a grin, glad for the change in subject, "I don't even need to see auras to see it. They are beyond obvious." I was surprised at myself. I had never really been comfortable with Spirit, especially not since Alek, and I couldn't really talk about it out loud. This was a good start.

Before I knew it, we had arrived at my apartment. I fumbled for my keys, dread shooting through me as my breathing became ragged again. I closed my eyes tightly, forcing myself to breathe slowly and failing. My nerves were frazzled from my last attack, and so I was more susceptible to having them right now. I could already feel some of the symptoms- the sense of dread or impending doom, shortness of breath, chest pain, feeling cold and tingly, the dizziness... No one panic attack or anxiety attack was the same, but mine didn't usually differ much, so I was good at recognizing the symptoms and severity of an attack. Right now, I was in the beginning of a small scale attack, but it could turn more severe. I couldn't afford that.

"Breathe in... And out... In... Out... It'll be okay, Liv. Everything will be okay." Adrian murmured. With a start, I realized he had come up from Behind me as wrapped his arms around my washer. His breath in my hair sent shivers through me, but feeling the warmth of his body and his support helped me. I closed my eyes and leant into him, focusing on matching my breathing to his. I could feel his heartbeat through his shirt and I was surprised to find that, once my heart slowed to a natural pace, they were basically in sync. Because he was a Moroi, his heart beat a little faster than mine, but had he been a dhampir, they would've been beating at the same pace. As it was, they were a rhythmic harmony, beating together but separately.

Without a word, I removed myself from our embrace and, once the last of the white flashes left my vision, I reached down and picked up my keys from the floor, unlocking my door in silence. I flicked on my light and went to my kitchen, filling my kettle with water and turning it on. I dug through my cupboards, searching for my favourite cup.

"Oh yeah," I muttered, "I put it back with the set."

I could feel Adrian's eyes on me as I reached for the cupboards above the sink. I could see a peek of the tea set, but even on my tippy-toes I couldn't quite reach it. How the hell had I gotten it up there?

"Oomf!" I grunted, jumping up to reach it. I held my breath as my fingers skimmed it. That was a stupid move. If it broke, I would seriously cry.

A breath of aftershave hit my nose and i could feel his body faintly pressed against mine from behind, causing shivers to go through me. Damn him.

I heard a clink of glass being set on the counter and I spun around, confused.

"You looked like you were having a hard time." He smiled, patting the counter beside the tea set

I grumbled, "honestly, 5'8 should NOT be as short as it is."

He smirked and I put a Red Rosé Orange Pekoe tea bag in the tea pot.

It was a beautiful set. Vera had given it to me for my last birthday, joking about how, now that I had a three year old, I would need to drink more tea to keep myself calm. I had laughed, laughing more when Innusha proclaimed that she was "ohmost fouwr!"

That had been two months ago, just days before the attack.

I sighed, fighting tears. It had been a good day. J.C. And Noah had still been in school, and Arianwen had been in Russia with Nikolai. Nana and Papa had been visiting Scotland, so it had been a small party. Just me, Mama, dad, Vera and Innusha. But you know what? It was enough. Mama had given me two tickets to a theatre showing of Macbeth, my favourite play, and dad had given me a new camera and a scrapbook to keep all my memories in. Innya ha given me a beautiful macaroni portrait of herself that she'd made with Vera and Vera had given me an orchid pendant, gave Innya a lily pendant, and had given me the tea set.

It came in 6 pieces. There was a black metal tray that looked Victorian, a Victorian style black glass tea pot and a matching creamer container, sugar pot, tea cup and saucer. I lovingly stroked the tea pit before pouring cream in the cream glass and adding more sugar to the sugar pot. I grabbed a spoon and turned of the kettle, pouring the hot water into the tea pot.

"Would you like a tea, Adrian?" I asked, turning to face him. He nodded and I reached into my cupboard for another cup, putting it beside mine. I waited a few seconds more for the tea to finish steeping, then poured the tea into each cup, using a cloth to wipe off the spout of the pot.

I scooped three sugars into my cup, then turned to Adrian again, "how many?"

"Just one, please."

I nodded and scooped one sugar into his cup, pouring cream into my cup to turn it a creamy white colour, "cream?"

"No, thank you."

"You're boring," I teased, stirring mine, then his, and handing his to him. I picked mine up and carried it out to the living room, sitting on one of my black leather love seats. I blew on my cup, taking a small sip. Already I could feel my worries start to slip away.

Adrian sat beside me and his anxiety was palpable. Ooh boy.

Finally, he spoke up. "Why didn't you tell me you had an anxiety disorder."

I shrugged, careful not to spill my tea, "you never asked. And, anyways, it wasn't important."

He growled and slammed his fist down on my glass coffee table. I jumped, a little bit of my tea spilling, but not

enough to worry about. "Not important? Do you have any idea how scared I was for you? I thought you were dying, Liv!"

I blinked, startled by his outburst. Unbidden, Rose's words came back to me. _'He cares about you. A lot.'_

I studied him, noticing his disheveled hair, overly pale skin and frantic eyes. She wasn't lying; he really did care. What an odd concept.

"How's your face?" I asked softly. He rubbed his cheeks gently.

"Lissa healed me. How's your knee?"

I glanced down at myself, "fine now. Thank you for healing them."

"Anything else?" He said softly.

I shrugged, "a bit of a headache still." He nodded and put his hands on my head. I felt hot then cold then hot again, and then my headache vanished.

"I didn't know you could heal headaches." I frowned. He shrugged and sipped his tea.

Suddenly the air in the room changed, and I knew that he was going to add me what he had wanted to ask me.

"Why are you so averse to being my Guardian?"

I sighed and put down my tea. Here we go.

"It's not that I'm averse I being your Guardian in particular, although I am a little, it's more that I'm not ready to have another charge yet." I sighed.

"Why not?"

"Vera Drozdov." I murmured, taking a sip of my tea, "I met Vera when I was in high school. I started going to Dover Bay Private Academy when I was five and when Arianwen was adopted into our family at seven, she started going there, too. It wasn't far from Seattle, but it was a little more secluded from the world. We usually kept to ourselves, so when Aria and I got to the high school, it was just us. Then she introduced me to her new Russian friend, Nikolai Conta. Nikolai ended up introducing me to Aleksandr, who was a year older than I was, and Vera who was a senior at the time.

I couldn't help the involuntary flinch when I said his name. I hadn't said his name in almost four years, since I left him, and I hadn't even allowed myself to think his name until I met Adrian.

I took a sip if my tea and continued my story, "during that first year, Vera and I became close friends, and even after she graduated, we kept in contact. When I graduated with top marks, she requested me as her Guardian." I sighed, "we became true blue best friends and even when I got myself into a little trouble, she helped me through tint. She helped me take care of Innusa... They adored each other. Innya calmed her aunty Veeree. It was so cute. Then... A few days after my birthday... There was a Strigoi attack. It had been Vera, Innusha and I, as well as a couple friends she'd been entertaining and their Guardisns. Most of us had gotten out alive. They'd killed one Guardian, a man name John Karpuik. I'd been distracted, and in my distraction, they killed Vera and..." I choked up, taking a shuddery breath, "they took Innusha. Probably killed her. I hope they killed her... I-I couldn't imagine... Innya as a Strigoi." I whispered. That thought had never occurred to me before. What if they hadn't killed her?

Adrian wrapped his arms around me and I buried my faced into the crook of his neck. He gently rubbed circles into my back as my grief overcame me

**Again, I'm so sorry it's taken forever for me to update. I'm still working on repairing my laptop charger. I have the chapters prewritten out and when I have the patience, I type them up on my iPod and send it to a friend via facebook so I can update it at a later date. It takes a while for me. Not only that, but my muse for this story has been a little stop-and-start. I'm currently up to chapter 8 or 9, and while that happens to be the climax of the story, where everything gets exciting and shit, I'm struggling to write it. It took me forever to actually write chapter 5 as well, because I had everything planne for the panic attack, but nothing planned to get there. However, because I had a deadline, it was easier for me to do. Here, I don't have much of a deadline, so I've gotten fairly lazy. Don't worry, however, because I HAVE to finish this story. I have roughly 4 ideas for the stories based upon this world I've created inside Richelle Mead's world. Anyways, I thought I'd just give you a bit of an update, so yeah... **

**Also, if you've read this far, tell me what your favourite part is so far!**

**Reviews are cookies :D Gimme? **


	7. Author's Note

**Hey guys! I swear I haven't forgotten about you, I just lost my muse for a little while, but she randomly appeared to me today (Yes, my muse is a she, because she is a bitch xD Her name is Korlynn, I think. Maybe) and decided that she would play nice, so I've done some writing. I won't be able to post until I get home, though, because half of my chapter is in my notebook at home, but the good news is that home is in only a few hours, and also, I have a new laptop! So that means that, unless my muse decides to take another vacation, I'll be able to update every Monday like before. Also, I may be a little disjointed in my writing style and characterization, as I haven't done this story in a while, so I may or may not have forgotten a few things. Those things aside, I've missed you and I hope you enjoy what I've got in store.**

**LunaNyx14**


	8. Chapter 7

I'm not sure when I fell asleep, but eventually I became aware of Adrian gently shaking me awake.

"Come on, Kitten, everyone'll be here in an hour and you have no food in your kitchen. By the way, why do you have a battery in your freezer?"

I blinked, rubbing t sleep from my eyes, "uh?"

"You have a battery. In your freezer. Why?" Adrian's face came into view and I noticed he was holding a frost-covered battery.

"I 'unno... I think I was out of coffee one morning, and had no dethawed bread, and my batteries in my remote were dead, so I pulled the bread out of the freezer, put the batteries in, and grabbed a fresh pair."

"...right. Okay." He chuckled, helping me up. I went to the bathroom and groaned, washing my face. My eyes were all red and puffy from my break down earlier. I looked awful.

"No you don't." Adrian chuckled again. I looked at him in shock, had I said it out loud?

"It was obvious by the look on your face. Do you want me to brush your hair for you?"

"Something told me he just wanted to brush my hair, so I shrugged. He picked up my brush and set to work on my hair as I washed my face and put on my concealer. That took less time than I thought it would, so I stood therre, content, as he brushed my hair. He was taking his time, but he was good at it, really good.

"You've done this before." I commented, shivering as his fingers gently brushed against the delicate hairs on the nape of my neck.

"Yeah." He smiled, a faraway look in his eyes, "I have a younger sister. Her name is Melantha and she's a sweetheart. Long dark brown hair and emerald eyes that could pierce the soul. She's an earth user. She's five years younger than me and just graduated school this year. I used to do this for her when she was younger, because she couldn't see."

"Couldn't see? She was blind?" I said, surprise colouring my tone.

"Since birth. Doctors have been unable to figure out why. It's why I've been so determined to learn how to heal. I wanted to give her the gift of sight. She deserves it."

We fell back into a comfortable silence as he continued to brush my hair. The dreamy wistfulness in his eyes faded to sadness and anger tinted pain. I instantly knew why.

"Stop that," I said softly, "you'll give yourself wrinkles."

He blinked, pausing, "huh?"

"You're thinking about Rose and it's upsetting you."

He gave me a strange look, "no it's not. I'm over her. It's been three years."

I laughed bitterly, "no you aren't. You're happy for her, sure, but you still love her. You also hate her, not just because she chose Belikov over you, but also simply because she still holds your heart, and you resent her for it. You want nothing more than to move on, but you can't because she's the first woman that truly mattered to you, the first woman you truly loved."

He seemed shocked. I didn't blame him. "How do you know that. Nobody knows that. Even Lissa and Sonya, both whom can read auras, don't know that."

I shrugged. It'd been obvious to me. "Because I know you. It's obvious to me. I can read you like an open book. And also, well, because I feel something similar towards my ex."

He gave me another curious glance and finished brushing my hair. He set the brush down on my counter with a thoughtful expression, which made me curious.

"What?" I asked.

"I like your hair better than hers. Rose's. Much prettier. Softer, too, like silk." He shrugged, "come on, I've got stuff at my place. Soda, chips, dip, popcorn..."

I didn't know how to react to his compliment - if that's what it was. Instead, I decided to ignore it and followed him down his place. We grabbed the snack stuff and put it in some plastic bags. That's when something occured to me.

"Oh pooh!" I exclaimed, smacking my hand to my forehead. Adrian looked over at me, clearly amused.

"Leave the stove on?" He teased. I scowled at him.

"I have two loveseats. How are we going to ensure that Mia and Eddie sit there?"

Adrian smirked, "compulsion. Not a lot, since they'll want to anyways, and they might sense it, just a small suggestion."

I nodded thoughtfully, "not a bad idea. You're gonna be the one to do it?"

"I'll talk to Mia, and we'll get Lissa to talk to Eddie, since he's her Guardian and all."

I nodded again, "makes sense." I agreed, grabbing the last of the snacks and headed out the door, "a romantic comedy. That's what we'll need. I know Mia has a couple. She's a huge sap. She'll have one. Then, after, we could watch an action or something."

He nodded and I gave him the bags as well as the key to my apartment. "Take these and start setting up. I'll help you when I get there, but I gotta run over to Mia's place. I've got a key." I explained.

Without waiting for a reply, I walked off, relieved to get away. The familiarity between us was unsettling. I could see into his soul, and I knew he could see into mine.

It scared me. Scared me more than anything else in the entire world. Not the kind of fear that would send me into a panic attack, but scary all the same.

I shook my head and unlocked the door to Mia's place, glad she wasn't home. Not that it would've changed anything, there were many times when I would walk into her house randomly and borrow something, but it made it a lot easier. I ran through her rom-com list - god, did she have a lot! - and had just about decided on Science of Sleep when another one caught my eye.

_'The Ugly Truth'_, so it said. It sounded interesting. In Sacramento, the producer of a morning show Abby Richter is a controller that has a checklist with items about the ideal man for her; however she can not find any man that fulfills her prerequisites. Her show has problems with the low ratings and the TV direction hires the cynical chauvinist Mike Chadway that hosts the popular and gross mannish show "The Ugly Truth" about what men and women really want in a relationship. Abby has frictions with Mike and he proposes to help her to get her attractive neighbor Colin that fulfills her checklist; in return she would support him in the show. Abby dates Colin but when Mike is invited to participate in the Craig Ferguson's Late Late Show in San Francisco, they get closer and fall in love for each other. But out of the blue, Colin arrives in Abby's room and she has to make a decision. That wasn't what the back title actually said, I'd quickly used my iPhone to look up reviews and the synopsis, and it looked pretty cool.

Yep, this would work.

When I got back to my place, DVD in hand, Adrian had everything set up and was sitting on one of the love seats, Sir Koko in hand. Oh dear lord...

"I see you did a little altering on... what was it? Kooky?" I blushed.

"Shuddup, I like cats, okay? And his name is Sir Koko Fuzzletons III of Whiskermoor Manor." I muttered. As I had expected, his smirk grew and he laughed.

"That's adorable, Kitten, it really is." He smiled, "So, what do you think?"

I looked around. Aside from my black loveseats, he'd pulled out my two leather been bag chairs and their matching footstools, one black and one green. He'd placed them besidde one of the footstools, side by side, while their footstools were on the other side, between the two love seats. There was a big, plush pillow from my bed laying in front of the right loveseat, the glass coffee table had the snacks, Coca-Cola, Cherry Dr. Pepper and plastic cups, and was in front of the other loveseat.

"It looks good. Did you call Lissa?"

He grinned, "yep, she's in on the plan."

I grinned back and grabbed a chip, plopping down beside him, on the right loveseat on the side closest to the coffee table. I popped the chip in my mouth and groaned as their was a knock on the door. I'd just sat down!

"It's Mia." Adrian said. Hm. Auras can be useful after all. With a nod, I got up and let her in. As I suspected, she practically dove for the cherry Dr. Pepper.

"Hey Mia, hope you don't mind, but I borrowed one of your movies. Something about truth or something."

Mia squealed, "ooh! The Ugly Truth? That's one of my favourites."

I grinned, then glanced at her outfit. A simple pair of blue jeans and a dark green sweater. Cute. That reminded me, I hadn't changed out of my work out clothes from this morning. Gross.

"Hey, I'm going to pop in the shower. I won't be long." I said, giving a pointed look towards Adrian. This would be a good time for him to work his magic, pun not intended. Was that even a pun?

I'm assuming he got the message, because he gave me a small nod and turned to talk to Mia. I could ses the small amount of Spirit Adrian was using take over Mia and, as the thrall of compulsion seized her, I had to turn away, shove my disgust down, and go have my shower.

I tried to make sure it was a quick shower and, while towel drying my hair, I went through my clothing options. I decided on my dark blue skinny jeans and one of my favourite shirts. It was a black lace tank-top that, although it covered all my skin, it was clearly see-through and showed my deep red bra, and it definitely looked good on me.

Fiddling with the straps while brushing my hair, I couldn't help but blush, remembering how gentle Adrian had been as he'd brushed my hair. As if my thoughts had conjured him, I felt the brush pulled my hands and smelled his aftershave.

"Eddie, Lissa and Jailbait are here. Lissa's already got him compelled and now he's sitting next to Mia. Lissa took one of the footstools, and Jillian took the pillow." He commented, brushing my hair.

I would never tell him how nice that felt, "Where are the others?"

"Christian had to stay behind to finish up some Court work and will be here shortly, Dimitri stayed with him because he's Christian's Guardian and Rose stayed with him because that's what she does. I guess the bond gave her a little too much confidence, and now that it's gone... she kinda forgets."

I smiled a little and reached for my concealer, wanting to cover up the rest of my puffy eyes. One of his hands away from my hair and he gently stroked my black bags. "Why don't you sleep more?"

I looked away, "nightmares."

Adrian paused in his brushing and turned to face me, "Liv, I know you hate compulsion, but may I use a small amount on you? I promise you it won't be bad."

I swallowed, forcing my fear away.

"Do you trust me?"

Did I trust him? Could I trust him? Too late. "Yes." I whispered.

I looked into his eyes and felt my mind go numb. His voice, soothing as a lullaby, came to me. "You will never have nightmares again, Liv. When you have one, you will think of me, and it will turn into a happy memory. Do you understand? Nod if you understand."

I felt myself nod.

"Good." And like that, the compulsion was gone, and he was back to brushing my hair.

I pulled away and gave him a hug. "Thank you Adrian." I murmured against his cheek. He seemed stunned, and I swear I saw a blush on his cheeks. I pulled away and he went back to brushing my hair. I applied the concealer and lined my eyes with black eyeliner, applying my mascara after. I put in a pair of fake diamond studs and a silver bracelet, searching for a necklace to wear with it.

"What about this?" Adrian asked, holding up my orchid necklace.

It was beautiful. It had a white gold setting with petals hand carved from seashells and opal, with a central diamond. It hung on a simple gold chain, one of the only gold things I owned. I wasn't too fond of gold.

I hadn't worn it since Vera died. She'd given it to me for my birthday, knowing that Orchids were my favourite flower. She was an expert jewellry maker and had made Innusha a lily pendant, since lilies were Innya's favourite flowers. It had been blue lace agate with silver detailing and I think it had been a calla lily. It had been her favourite necklace and, like me, had never taken it off.

She was wearing it when she'd been taken.

"I can't wear that." I whispered, eyes wide with panic. Adrian noticed the change immediately and rushed over to me, putting a hand on my arm.

"Hey, hey, it's okay. Don't panic. Why can't you wear it?" He said soothingly. I swallowed hard.

"Vera made that for me and gave it to me for my twenty-third birthday. I-Innusha had a lily one that she was wearing when she died." I said softly, staring at the orchid necklace in his hand, "Innusha loved lilies." I whispered.

"Don't you think Vera would want you to be happy?" He murmured.

She would. "But it was my fault. I became distracted, and that distraction had costed her her life."

Adrian put his hand under my chin, forcing me to look at him, "Kitten, it wasn't your fault. You were facing a lot of Strigoi. It's impossible to be perfect, you aren't Superwoman," He paused, "or Cat Woman."

I bit my lip and closed my eyes, but he continued on, "You can't keep blaming yourself. If you do, you will never be able to move on, and it could distract you again in the future."

He was right. I was nowhere near done healing, it had only been two months, but I was a Guardian. A Guardian put his or her own needs after their Moroi's. I couldn't allow Vera to distract me anymore. "Okay." I sighed, hearing the conviction in my voice.

He got behind me and slid the necklace around my neck, doing up the clasp and pulling my hair out from underneath. My hand went up to the necklace, cool against my throat, as I looked at myself in the mirror.

"See? Not so bad." Adrian smiled. I nodded.

"Did Melantha have a favourite flower?" I asked.

"Iris. She couldn't see them, obviously, and describing them was useless to her, but she loved the feeling of them and how they smelled. She also liked lilacs." He smiled fondly.

He said they were five years apart, which meant she would be nineteen now. It added up, since he also said she was graduated.

"Where is your sister now? I mean, you said she graduated, which would mean she's nineteen, so she doesn't have to stay with Adler."

Adrian shrugged, "She'd be somewhere more rural, probably. Surrounded in nature. She always liked travelling, too. Maybe some place in Canada or Scotland? Haven't seen her in forever." He sighed.

I nodded slightly and smiled, "We should visit her someday, but for now, we should return to the others. Christian, Rose and Belikov are bound to be here soon, and this looks a might bit suspicious."

He nodded and turned out my light, shutting the door behind us. As I had expected, Lissa was just letting Christian, Dimitri and Rose in. Chrisitnn took the stool next to Lissa and RRose rushed over to plop in the black beanbag chair, Dimitri taking the green one.

Let me tell you something. Seeing a super tall, attractive, badass Russian Guardian sink uneasily into a dark green beanbag chair is the funniest thing I have seen in a long, long time.

"What?" Adrian asked, cracking a smile. Mia, having already seen what I saw, was snickering quietly to herself. I jerked my head towards the Russian, who was clearly uncomfortable in his too squishy seat. Adrian grinned and took the seat next to me on the loveseat and, as Dimitri once again tried to adjust himself on the beanbag chair, I couldn't help but chuckle.

"He's like Leonard in the ballpit. Except taller, and more ridiculous looking." I laughed. Mia, hearing my description, laughed loudly, while Adrian gave me a blank stare.

"Big Bang Theory reference." I explained.

"okay, okay, enough laughing at my expense." Dimitri said gruffly, scowling. We had just about stopped giggling when he squirmed again and gell off the beanbag. Well, of course, that just started us up again.

"Oh, Comrade." Rose giggled at his hurt puppy dog expression on the floor, "you really do look silly."

I grinned, "The big, bad, scary Russian taken down by a beanbag chair."

He cracked a smile at that and climbed back on the beanbag chair. I poured myself some Cherry Dr. Pepper and popped in the movie, turning off the lights and sitting back into my seat.

I was only halfway paying attention, focusing more on my surrounding than on the movie. The estabilished couples were acting very couply; Christian had his arms around Lissa, her head on his chest. Rose and Dimitri were in a similar position, but while pure love was on Lissa's face, both love and slight confusion was on Rose's. Eddie and Mia were sitting awfully close, but so far nothing had happened, Jill was texting someone while watching, a goofy grin on her face, and Adrian...

Adrian was sitting really close to me. Like me, he was watching everyone, and when he looked at Rose, pure confusion and shock overcame him, his eyes quickly flitting to Lissa.

"What?" I whispered, speaking low so only he would hear.

"Their auras are linked again. Very, very weak, very faint, like the ghost of a connection, but there nonetheless." He whispered back.

I didn't understand, "is this important?"

He gave me a look, "Lissa and Rose used to have a bond, once upon a time ago. Three years ago, the bond was broken, so we thought anyways. Now it looks like it's coming back."

I nodded, "guess we better keep an eye on them." I whispered. I turned my attention to Jill when she giggled, leaning down with a smirk.

"You texting your boyfriend?" I teased, chuckling at her blush.

"No... he's just a friend." She bit her lip.

"For now." I grinned, sitting back up and paying attention to the movie.

With a start, I realized that Mike, played by Gerard Butler, reminded me of Adrian. Actually, the entire movie sort of reminded me of my relationship with Adrian - a thought that made me squirm when Mike and Abby shared a passionate, yet sloppy, kiss in the elevator. I had never felt more aware of Adrian in that moment.

No sooner had I thought that, electricity shot through me as I felt his hand on my lower back. "Look." He murmured in my ear. I shivered, feeling his lips on my ear, but focused my attention on Eddie and Mia. Somehow, they'd ended up moving closer to each other, and Mia had a hand on his lap, Eddie's arm around her waist. I felt triumph shoot though me. I had done it! Well, okay, we'd done it.

Adrian, as if guessing my thoughts (which he probably had), smirked at me and squeezes my waist. I yelped and smacked his hand away, snarling at him. "Don't do that!" I exclaimed, attracting the attention of some of the others.

Rose laughed at me and I groaned, scowling slightly as I settled back into my seat. It was going to be a _looooong_ night.


	9. Another Stupid Fcking Update --

Another stupid fucking update. Yeah, I know, for any of you who bother to read this story, I know you want to, you know, read the story and not dumb ass updates like this but, sadly, I don't have a choice.

And it pisses me off.

I love you all, I really do, and I miss updating this. I have a laptop now, so there shouldn't be a problem, and I had finally gotten past my writer's block and finished chapter 8 and started 9, but... well, I do a lot of my writing at school during class, and so all of my manuscript starts on paper. All of it. And it's all loose leaf, too, because I always run out of room in my notebooks or start something else in the same notebook. For example, in the original notebook I was using for this story (which actually starts with chapter 4, I think, when she's modifying Sir Koko) on the first page I have a small summary what each chapter, up to 14, should look like. Of course, it's got a bunch of arrows going places cause I added ideas in and erased others, and it's no where near what it really is, because each chapter has so much more than the basic story I have on here, plus I collapse some chapters, add things to later or earlier chapters and... blah. The next two pages has a pronunciation guide to the names of the future kids in the sequel I was planning, and the basic description of of how the panic attack was supposed to go, as well as the names for each "book" in the series and what they were basically about. Then you have the music on the mix CDs, names and what they meant, a list of the 12 royal families from smallest to largest, a list of characters full names, nicknames, race, status (Royal, Non-royal, Guardian, Novice), their element if they were Moroi, and their Strigoi kills if they were Guardians, then you have the story, a bit of Rose's sons powers (SPOILER ALERT), random prep work, more story and so on. There's so much more, but I'm rambling.

Anyways, back to my point. Because I filled up my notebook, I started writing on loose leaf paper. I was keeping it in a binder of sorts, but I took it out so that I could.. do something. I don't remember. One day, I was gonna give it to my friend to read, only to find that I apparently left it at home, despite the fact I was SURE I put it in my bag, and when I returned home, it was nowhere to be found. That was two months ago.

Chapter 8 was important, and I can't continue until I find those damned papers. I will not subject myself to the torture of rewriting something that had turned out well. I can't. So, until I find it again, I'm going to have to go on hiatus for a while. I'm sorry.

LunaNyx14


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